Finding New Tracks to Pleasure: Why I Started Desire Pathways
Photo of Michaela Tutty. Photographer: Sophia Stiegler
Most of us weren’t taught what to do when sex, relationships, and intimacy get difficult, or when we aren’t experiencing them the way we desire. Some people do go to their GP or speak to their therapist about it (yay—good work getting support on this deeply personal issue!), but a lot of the time, this misses the felt sense of pleasure. A GP can check your hormones, and a therapist can unpack your past or help you map your emotions. Still, traditional care isn't always set up to help you actively expand sexual expression or navigate physical pleasure in the bedroom.
This is where somatic sex coaching comes in: a future-focused modality that allows you to notice sensations in your body and gain practical tools to expand your expression, sensation, and connection.
If you have ever felt stuck in your head, disconnected from your body, or like you’re just watching yourself go through the motions, you aren't broken. At Desire Pathways, we use this body-based approach to work from the inside out, helping you to get out of your head and build a foundation for pleasure.
Curiosity, Control, and My Path to This Work
My path to this work has been very personal. After navigating a significant trauma at seventeen, my relationship with my body changed instantly. While I had always been naturally curious, I found myself becoming highly experimental with sex. Upon reflection, that experimentation wasn't about pleasure: it was instead a subconscious strategy to keep myself in control. By orchestrating the experience, I could protect myself from feeling vulnerable, even if it meant I wasn't always fully present in my body to feel what was happening.
Years later, while undergoing my professional studies, another traumatic situation in my personal life forcibly reminded me that the path to healing isn't linear. However, because I was immersed in my training at the Institute of Somatic Sexology at the time, I had immediate access to tools that helped me work on my trauma and access pleasure again.
These experiences gave me insights I wouldn't otherwise have, meaning I can now help others from a place of lived experience. Though these chapters of my life were incredibly challenging, they shaped my empathy and gave me a deeper understanding of anyone walking a similar path. My goal is to provide a compassionate and judgment-free space where you can safely explore your own path back to pleasure
Photo of Huka Falls, Taupo, New Zealand. Taken by Michaela Tutty
The Missing Piece: Pleasure-Based Education
Many people find my practice while looking for answers to the questions we weren't allowed to ask in school. You might have found yourself Googling:
"Why can't I stay present during sex?"
"How do I stop overthinking and just feel?"
“Why does my body freeze up when someone touches me?”
“How to get out of your head during intimacy”
“Why do I feel completely numb during sex?”
“Is it normal to feel detached from your body during intimacy?”
“How to fix people-pleasing in the bedroom”
“Why do I feel anxious when nothing wrong is happening?”
“How to actually feel pleasure instead of just going through the motions”
If you find yourself constantly battling performance anxiety or feeling like your body is putting on the brakes, you might find my article on Understanding Performance Anxiety helpful
The reality is that most of us received a fear-based or purely functional sex education. We were taught about prevention, but we missed out on pleasure-based education. Pleasure-based education is a body-first approach to intimacy that focuses on how to feel safe, track physical sensations, and actively experience joy or pleasure rather than just learning about reproduction and prevention
Understanding my own body and others' bodies gave me a level of confidence and a "felt sense" that I thought I had before, but didn't actually possess until I had the education to back it up.
The Five Somatic Tools
These tools were my way back to my body, and they are the pillars of the work we do at Desire Pathways. They are skills you can use both inside and outside the bedroom to regulate yourself:
Breath
Awareness
Touch
Sound
Movement
These are practical, body-first tools rather than bedroom tricks. Whether you are using deep breathing to help your body relax into pleasure, or using touch to ground yourself when you start overthinking, these skills shift you out of survival mode. You stop just enduring intimacy and start actively steering it.
Why I chose the name Desire Pathways
When people face challenges with intimacy, they often think they just need to find a single switch to turn their libido back on. But our bodies don't work that way. I chose the name Desire Pathways because I wanted a title that reflects the reality of how we actually experience pleasure.
When we are stuck in survival mode or rigid routines, our options feel incredibly narrow and predictable. Somatic coaching is about mapping out entirely new directions. There are so many different tracks we can explore to expand your sex life. By looking at your current patterns without judgment, we can co-create somatic practices that open up new ways for you to connect with your body and your partner.
Ready to find your pathway?
If you are tired of just going through the motions and are ready to map out a completely new direction for your pleasure, intimacy, and connection, I invite you to take the next step:
Want regular somatic check-ins? If you aren’t quite ready for 1:1 coaching but want honest insights and practical, body-first tips delivered straight to your inbox, Join the Community.
Ready for deep, tailored support? If you are ready to stop overthinking, step out of survival mode, and co-create an embodied path forward at the pace of your own nervous system, you can Book your Foundations Session. This initial 30-minute session is $50 NZD and will be credited toward your chosen coaching pathway if you choose to continue.
