The Skill of Orgasm: Overcoming Anorgasmia with Somatic Sex Coaching
In my work as a Certified Somatic Sex Coach, a common sexual concern that people with vulvas come to me with is that they have difficulty achieving orgasm.
Here are some common experiences:
Never having reached an orgasm.
May have reached orgasm at one point in their life but now find it difficult.
Have a specific pathway that they take to reach orgasm, and if one variable is slightly off, such as the person, the environment or the mode of stimulation, they then can’t access orgasm.
All about Anorgasmia
Firstly, what is Anorgasmia?
Anorgasmia is the clinical term for orgasms being delayed or infrequent, less intense, or absent after sexual arousal and sexual stimulation have occurred. Anorgasmia can be primary, secondary, situational, or generalised. Primary anorgasmia means that orgasm has never been achieved over the lifespan. Secondary anorgasmia is when orgasm has been possible in the past but no longer is. Situational anorgasmia means that orgasm is only reached in certain situations, such as during masturbation or with a specific partner. Generalised anorgasmia is when there is difficulty reaching orgasm in all situations.
How common is Anorgasmia?
People with vulvas and people with penises can be affected by anorgasmia. The DSM-5 diagnoses related to anorgasmia are Female Orgasmic Disorder (FOD) and Delayed Ejaculation (DE). Research shows that FOD affects 42% of women at some point during their lifespan. DE is said to affect 1-4% of men; however, there are limitations in the research, as it relies on self-reporting, which means that the prevalence is likely much higher.
Quick Facts about Orgasm
Orgasm can occur without ejaculation or erection in bodies with penises
Orgasm can occur without squirting or ejaculation in bodies with vulvas
Orgasm doesn’t always involve touch
Orgasm is the release of tension
Orgasm doesn’t always involve the genitals (you can learn to reach them by erogenous zone stimulation, different combinations of breath, movement, sound, touch and awareness, mental fantasy & imagination)
Orgasm is a learnable skill
Orgasm for women is more likely to be achieved through clitoral stimulation rather than penetration
How can a Somatic Sex Coach Help you with Anorgasmia?
Reaching regular orgasms is a learnable skill that often deepens with proper guidance, accurate knowledge, and intentional practice. Somatic sex coaching helps you make orgasms easier to access both alone and with a partner by bridging the gap between mind and body. This specialised approach combines practical education with experiential, body-based tools so you can integrate what you learn on a felt level rather than just talking about it.
What you’ll learn:
How to get out of your head and into your body
How to create arousal
How to create solo and partner pleasure pathways
How to feel relaxed and safe
How to communicate your desires, fears and boundaries with your partner(s)
How to create the right environment
How to access pleasure
How to turn yourself on
